In 2019 I figured out I need to grow up a little bit – become stronger as my own person.
Such a wonderful opportunity for growth! Which I am fighting like my 3-month-old kitten fights his rattly mouse: in vain. The mouse keeps on rattling. I keep on trying to lean on another person. Who is putting on their suit jacket.
I need to find a strong core within and feel calm at all times. Calm and confident that I can do this, regardless of if it’s just me or not! Work, kids, kittens, home, plans, tickets, sheets, friends, hobbies and health – Just Do It! Just get doin’! Do, do, do!
Babies seem to come with a spell that is able to stop time. Everything that is anything in a 38-year-old visitor’s life melts away instantly when meeting someone three weeks of age.
Young babies and young parents seem to live in a timeless bubble of their own. Weekdays or weekends don’t matter, night and day come at the same time and continents easily and effortlessly switch places around them. For a new family, only this moment exists, this moment and what it’s made of.
The parents live only for the baby – and the baby lives because of Mum and Dad. She lives their joy and their tiredness, their heartbeats and the smell of their hair. She lives their warm voices and stroking hands. She feels sudden, frightening bursts of hunger and a content happiness at being cuddled and fed and loved like no-one ever was. Warm baths briefly remind her of something – but she’s with us now, she’s here!
This is her life today, tomorrow it will be a little larger. Tomorrow and every day, until one day she’s 38 and visits someone else’s wonderful baby bubble for an hour or two. To sit and talk and admire, on a spring-time work trip to a beautiful capital somewhere maybe.
I had an aunt who wasn’t related to me at all. She lived a couple of floors below us when I was a baby. Her son slept over at ours sometimes, drew cartoons and built houses in the woods with my brother.
After they left town, this aunt never slipped out of touch for long. Not with my parents. And not with me, either.
Come to think of it, she was the only person outside my own family who knew me my whole life.
I grew up, moved cities. Felt restless, toured the continent. She was interested in where I was and how I was. I calmed down, got married, babtised my kids; she booked plane tickets and brought presents.
This talented and spirited woman, this wonderful Finnish aunt as a young restless one herself had toured Cyprus, singing in tavernas. She was really pleased with my choice of a husband. So she painted us a picture of two Greek lovers and carefully wrote wedding verse in Greek. Blue and white. White and blue.
In my childish entitlement, it never crossed my mind that she might one day die.
That day arrived last week.
I now have a new brother. A brother from another mother! Not related but dear in any case.
‘When the man loves the woman more, they have sons’, declared the Ukrainian grandma at the head of the table, nodding at our kids. ‘Da’ attested my gentlemanly husband, giving my thigh a gentle little pat.
We are not this slim, it’s my friend’s camera:)
We were seated around a solid wood table with flowers in the middle, this is Cyprus after all. Outside the air was restlessly shifting under November rain. It was just about to hit these cobbled alleys and mountain pines, and the village dog running up and down the main street barking at cars.
He wouldn’t mind. He had a job to do. So many funny looking Nicosiades to chase!
On the table there were glasses of red, white and water, hot plates of veg and lamb and a salad with fresh bread softening in sweet olive oil. I was tasting something with a difficult name, something quite heavenly when my friend asked of our plans after Cyprus.
‘Where would we go after Cyprus?’ I wondered, looking from plate to plate desperately trying to decide what to try next. ‘What would we eat?’
There was pleasant agreement over the impossibility of eating anything in other countries. We continued the meal surrounded by the old stone walls and happily lunching kids. My other half who has been so absent-minded lately seemed to be quite content too, amidst steaming little plates being entertained by our friend the walking library of… romantic jokes.
I can imagine someone leaving Cyprus for New York maybe. Lots of good stuff to eat there!
But right now I really can’t see where else anyone would like to go after Cyprus, nor indeed why!
And I think grandma might just agree with me! She is clearly a very wise lady.
Tonight we got some takeaway. It’s Sunday night and we are both a bit worse for wear.
One has muscle pain after running around in the cold evening breeze thinking they were 17.
The other has her usual number of worries, just because!
This week was the last week one unlucky stray kitten got to live. His short story ended under a heat lamp at the vet’s.
Next door to him three little former strays slept in a warm and cosy heap. To wake up again soon, curious and playful, for another lovely day.
This was the week when French Conversation was cancelled and we didn’t know that. Waiting, we covered everything from space travel to Cyprus problem.
This week our building shook violently with the pitter patter of four Darth Vaders playing some kind of a beastly space tag. One of the Darths had previously soothed a fading kitten but was now full of cheery fight again.
Like you want your kids to be, a while after a disappointment.
It was when I woke up on Saturday and decided to contribute my five cents to the Cyprus question debate. My overture was met with a surprised and a tad exasperated look from the neighbouring pillow.
This one by my spouse who is a patient type
It was the week we froze in bed. Not so much because of the CyProb pillow talk but because it seems
The new normal. I think we are now living it because days are starting to resemble each other. So maybe I can now show you what life is like on a regular Monday and maybe it will still ring true after a year or two? I wouldn’t mind if it did.
6.40 Out of bed, to the command centre located at the fruit bowl. That’s where all important papers seem to hang out, uninvited. (Different devices also like to charge their batteries there, on top of the avocados. So rude!)
Try to make out my kids’ ever-changing school schedules, can’t see anything. Remember now have reading glasses, put them on. Husband bought them for me after my protests that I couldn’t see his work tweets when he stuck his phone in my face and asked for opinions. Such an amazing present. Can now admire his work tweets so much. Also have little reading lights on both sides. Like the headlights of a car. Can read things in the dark!
6.45 Finally up to speed about who has P.E. today and can start ironing uniforms. Do it on the bed because of the rush, accidentally iron sheets underneath into tight creases. Dang. Meanwhile husband has carried comatose offspring to sofa and disappeared. Don’t know what to do with poor floppy children. Only brought them home at 9.20 last night forchristssake! Weekend by the sea – fun during, painful the morning after. Put on Cartoon Network. Disappear into the kitchen.
7.10 Cartoon Network revived children. Hurrah! But they don’t like the butter because it’s not the same brand they they were used to in Switzerland. Lecture/encouraging pep talk about aquired tastes and angry daddies who detest being late for work. Pack third grader’s backpack, like every morning. I know I said I wouldn’t do it anymore! But 7.10! Butter dispute! Swimming after school! Brother has tennis! Angry husband alert! Where is the racquet?
7.30 There they go. Phew! Follow their departure from the balcony to be absolutely sure.
Then coo at balcony plants. Give water to whoever is looking a bit rough. Coo some more.
Worry about lost youth. Reading glasses! Talking to plants! What next?
Panicky fit of ‘what happened to my youth?’: Put on sneakers and cap and rush out for sporty walk. Should probably run but use 2009 knee problem as excuse as always. Happily stroll around taking pictures with my phone instead.
Getting a bit hot around 8.20.
But what flowers!
And what a light.
9.05 Back home quite sweaty. Type a message to my client asking if they need any writing done. Remember computer refused to start on Friday. Stop typing.